One Year

Today is one year since Hannah was diagnosed. It seems like yesterday. It has been interesting, today, to think back over what we were doing on this day a year ago. It hit me that I remember the details leading up to and following her diagnosis more vividly than I remember the details of our wedding or the births of our children. I think that must be because events like births and weddings are happy, natural things. I asked the kids what they remember about it. Lauren remembers crying with my mom when she told her that Hannah was very sick and had to go to the hospital in Atlanta. Evan remembers Aunt Maria explaining to them what Leukemia is. Hannah said she remembers everything, but I'm not sure how accurate that is. I'm hoping that she will forget most of the yucky stuff.

We are not quite halfway finished with her treatment. It feels like forever. But if she keeps handling everything as well as she has been, we're not going to complain! Most of all, Eric and I are just thankful. Thankful to have her with us, thankful that she feels good most of the time, thankful for friends and family, and thankful for access to good doctors, nurses and medicine.

Our Street

This is the view of our street (there are Pray for Hannah signs all the way down it). I can't express how much it means to us to have this kind of support. From the first few days of Hannah's diagnosis to now  - our friends and family have been incredible! It's not just our street that has all of these signs. They are all over town and lots of other places too. I remember, a few years ago, the first signs I ever saw to pray for a little boy with cancer. The signs really did remind me to stop and pray for him. It amazes us that people are still supporting us and still praying for Hannah - even almost a year later. We will never be able to say thank you enough!

May

We have had some wonderful, uneventful weeks this month. Hannah has felt really good and life has even felt normal! Hannah had a good appointment. All of her blood work and labs were just where the doctors want them. It was such a relief to go into her appointment and have no concerns. We do not take the good days for granted!

This is Hannah waiting to go back for the appointment. That sweet volunteer in the background is almost always there on Fridays to do crafts with the kids as they are waiting. This makes such a difference to distract Hannah from being nervous about being there.

Have I said lately how amazing the nurses are at this hospital? This is the room where Hannah gets her dreaded finger prick. Hannah wanted her doll, Dorothy, to get checked out first and this nurse is always so kind and patient. She did everything to the doll before doing it to Hannah. 

Hannah's hair is finally long enough for a bow! Most of the nurses will come in and "pet" her head because her hair is so soft. Eric and I tease her that we want to keep it this length forever (with it being short, she looks younger and we're not ready for her to grow up). She says, "No! I'm going to let it grow as long as Rapunzel's hair - all the way past my feet!"

Can you believe she's gotten so much hair back after just a few short months? It's hard to believe that it was only Christmas when her hair looked like this:

April

Hannah had her April appointment yesterday. I was eager to talk to her doctors and anxious about this appointment. Hannah had been running a low-grade fever every day for a month and had a nasty cough for twice that long. During this month I had called Egleston to ask about it and the ER doctor couldn't find what was wrong. That's a long time to run a fever and of course, my mind couldn't help but to worry about the worst case scenario. Her doctors ruled out the worst things it could be (which set my mind at ease) but couldn't pinpoint what could cause fever for that long. They sent us home with several ideas of things to try thinking it might be allergies, asthma or a sinus infection. We got home from Atlanta late in the afternoon and about an hour later Hannah started running a fever of 103.4. We got back in the car, headed to the ER and spent most of the night there. This doctor decided to test for RSV. She tested positive. A normal child's body should be able to fight RSV in about a week. They think that she's had the fever and cough for so long because her immune system stays weakened due to the chemo. She just can't fight it off. We are so glad to finally know what is going on. Since Hannah has been sick I always empathize with people when they have to wait for test results or are unsure what the diagnosis is. The not-knowing seems so much harder.

This was a hard day for Hannah. She dreads her appointments in Atlanta. On the way up there this time she told us, "I'm telling you, I'm NOT going in that hospital!!" We have to hold her down for them to access her port. She hates getting her finger pricked. After doing all of that yesterday morning, we had to turn around and do it all again that night. It took both Eric and me to hold her down for her port access then it took two of us to hold her down for them to stick a tube up her nose to test for the RSV. Nothing breaks my heart more than this. I think about if it were me - how panicked I would be if big people were holding me down to do scary things that hurt while I was screaming "NO"! She tries to crawl behind me on the hospital bed when nurses walk in the room to hide from them so they can't get her. To make it worse, her parents, who are supposed to protect her and keep people from hurting her are the ones who are holding her down.


We took this picture a few hours later, after she had calmed down. This was about 1:00 a.m. My parents went to get us supper because we hadn't eaten yet. Hannah was very excited about her Huddle House (the only thing that's open at that time of night) pancakes and bacon!

March

I am very late in posting about the month of March. Hannah had her treatment appointment on the 15th. This was the sedation appointment where they inject the chemo into her spinal cord fluid. Hannah really doesn't like these appointments (although she loves her nurses which helps!) We were glad to have it over with and to mark another treatment off the count!

The next day the amazing ladies of Beta Sigma Phi in Colquitt, GA had their annual Crush Cancer Run to benefit the American Cancer Society. Their featured cancer for this year was Leukemia and they asked Hannah to be there. It was a fun morning for a great cause.

Evan celebrated a birthday in March and turned eight. It was his idea to decorate the cake with Legos. I loved the idea!

Easter Sunday

Easter egg hunt at Lolley's

We had to spend most of Easter night in the ER because Hannah's fever had gotten high enough. We couldn't figure out what was causing the fever and were able to go home that night. 

One of Each

Hannah's hair is really growing back now and it is definitely going to be brown. Now our kids each have a different hair color - blond, red and brown.

Hannah has accumulated three necklaces worth of beads from the Beads of Courage program through the hospital. Each bead represents a procedure she's had such as pokes, stays in the hospital, blood transfusions, etc. I explained what some of them mean here. She loves to go through the necklaces and talk about what the beads mean and remember certain times when she was extra brave and got the special beads.

All Hannah wanted for her birthday was a bike. She has loved riding it every day!

Watch This!

When you get a chance, take a few minutes and watch this video. This family's faith is amazing! His message is one we all need to hear and apply to our lives.

When My Heart Is Overwhelmed


I can't say that I felt like he and his wife did when they were told their five year old daughter had cancer. I wish I had had faith like that. I did question why. I had nothing to say to God. I couldn't even pray for my sick child. I look back on those months and wish I had handled them differently, better. I wish my kids could have seen their mother be rock-solid strong instead of falling apart. But I also hope that this is all not in vain. Eric and I often say to each other that we hope to be changed for the better because of all of this. I want to know the Bible like he talks about in this video. I want to know and trust and love Jesus that much. I want to be able to say, "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn Your decrees." (Psalm 119:71) Are we saturating our minds and hearts with the word of God so that His character and promises fill our hearts? So that when the storm comes we are able to trust Him and say, "You give and You take away. Blessed be the name of the Lord"? I looked around the congregation of our church this morning and my heart hurt because there are many in my church family going through very difficult things in their lives. The the only way to live in a world full of hurt and disappointments, sickness and cancer and death - is to know and love Him so much that we can trust Him, no matter what.

This sermon is also excellent. It is about suffering.

Struck Down but Not Destroyed


P.S.   After writing this post I was able to watch this sermon too. In part of it he talks about when he did ask why. It's really good. Take the time to watch these videos!

When Sparrows Fall