Phase 3

Hannah started the third phase of her treatment today. In this phase she will have three kinds of chemo and will go for appointments every ten days. This phase will last about two months. She had a long, but good appointment today.

As one of her doctors was leaving our room he mentioned that he was on his way to tell a family that their child had relapsed. I cannot imagine going through years of treatment, think that it is all behind you and then have to go through it all over again. I don't know this family's name, but please take a few minutes to pray for them. Our family is so blessed to have such wonderful prayer support, but not everyone has this. I can't stop thinking about them and how they must be feeling today.

When we first found out about Hannah having Leukemia and for about the first six weeks following that, I felt angry at and betrayed by God. I had prayed for my children to be healthy. I had prayed that He would keep them safe. I felt like all of those prayers had been shattered in an instant. I couldn't pray to Him during that time. I felt like it was a waste of my time to pray when He was going to do whatever He wanted, regardless of my prayers. Slowly, I began to come around. My wise sister, Maria, told me to remember what I know about God and who He is, even if I don't feel it at the time. Reading the book, Holding on to Hope by Nancy Guthrie helped tremendously. I am certain that all of the prayers from our loved ones who prayed when I couldn't helped the most. I had to come to a place where, as Nancy Guthrie says in her book, "Well, I guess here is where the rubber meets the road. Here is where I find out if I really believe what I say I believe." I have come to understand that if God is who I believe He is and who He says He is, then I can trust Him. I can trust Him to do whatever He sees fit to do. I can trust Him to bring whatever He wants into our lives. He knows what is best for my life and for my family's life (and I don't!!!) An amazing peace has washed over me as a result of placing my trust in Him through all of this. I have a long way to go and a lot more to learn in this journey. It is still not easy. It still hurts. I still have days where I don't want to get out of bed and when I can't stop crying. But I know He is sovereign and good and loving. And I know that I can trust Him with everything, even this.