Hannah's Prayer

As I tucked Hannah into bed tonight, I said, "Let's say our prayers." She said, "Me first. God, please help me to get better and please help me not have to go to the hospital anymore. Amen."

Difficulties in Life

"'Do not quarrel with your lot in life. Do not complain of its never-ceasing cares, it's petty environment, the vexations you have to stand... That is the practice, which God appoints you; and it is having its work in making you patient, and humble, and generous, and unselfish, and kind, and courteous. Do not grudge the hand that is still moulding the still too shapeless image within you.' Here's the difference: trying aspects of life will happen whether we use them or not. Spiritual laziness leads to resentment; spiritual diligence spawns insight and transformation from the exact same events. Let us become intentional to use personal slights, inconveniences, acts of gossip and slander, times of difficulty, and even sickness as opportunities to grow in patience and understanding and humility instead of bitterly resenting each one.'"
              --Drummond/Gary Thomas (in the book, Every Body Matters)

Wow. This is how I want to feel about what we are going through with Hannah. I know the truth in this quote. I believe God can get me to a place where I actually feel this truth and can apply it to my life. I'm just not there yet. The struggle and hurt in my heart is definitely not just for what we are going through with Hannah. It is for all of the families we have met and heard about who are going through much worse things than we are. It is mostly for the families who have had their children taken from them after long and painful fights with this disease. We feel like we have been admitted into a club in which no one would choose to be a member.
     
Sometimes I feel like calling out to God as Ann Voskamp does in her book, One Thousand Gifts, "No, God. We won't take what You give. No, God. Your plans are a gutted, bleeding mess and I didn't sign up for this and You really thought I'd go for this? No, God. This is ugly and this is a mess and can't You get anything right and just haul all this pain out of here and I'll take it from here, thanks. And God? Thanks for nothing." It seems so wrong to admit that I sometimes feel this way. 

I went to an amazing counselor this past week who spoke to me about bringing my full complaint to God. She said it is the lie of the enemy that tells us we have to be good enough and have to have our attitudes straightened out before we can talk to God about the way we feel. She gave me examples from the Bible where the Israelites, Job, Habakkuk and the author of Psalm 77 cried out to God. After each honest complaining session, God came to be with these people of the Bible and as a result they knew God more than they did before experiencing difficult times.

Please pray for us that we will choose to face this season of our life with spiritual diligence and not bitter resentment. Please pray that patience, understanding, and humility will be the result in our lives and that God will reveal Himself like never before.

A Good Day

Hannah had her next-to-last appointment for this phase today. She had chemo inserted into her spinal cord fluid and two other kinds of chemo through IV. The above picture was when she was waking up from her sedation. Her only request was plain Lays potato chips, which have been one of her favorite foods since starting this whole process. She isn't eating much at all anymore and these potato chips were about all she ate today. Yes, this seems very unhealthy but her docs say that any calories we can get into her are good right now. We'll worry about eating healthy foods later.

Hannah finally decided that she would pose for a picture with her all time favorite nurse "Miss" Lilly (we've tried a picture with her before and Hannah refused to look or smile). Hannah truly looks forward to seeing her and has even told her, "You know I love you, Miss Lilly". We are so thankful to get to have amazing nurses and doctors take care of Hannah. I can't imagine what this journey would be like without them!

This is in front of the hospital on our way out. 

Eric and I feel like we are becoming experts on the ride to and from Atlanta. We are learning exactly what restaurants/gas stations are at which exits - which ones are clean and which ones to avoid. We pretty much know exactly how long it will take us to arrive from any point on the trip. We have figured out different ways to get to and from the hospital according to the time of day and traffic. And we have definitely learned which one of us needs to drive and which one needs to navigate :)

Benefits

(I meant to post about this earlier, but this week has been a little crazy with Eric's injury and everything.)

Last Saturday there were two benefits for Hannah. One in Donalsonville given by Ben and Brandy Spooner and one in Arlington given by Michael and Melissa Connor. We want to say a very special thank you to both of these couples. We are overwhelmed with gratitude for all of the time and work that was put into them. Both benefits had great turnouts. We know that there are many people who helped that we don't know about -- a big thank you to everyone involved. There are wonderful benefits of living in a small town surrounded by people who love and support others in their community. It has blessed us SO much to know that people are praying for us and willing to attend a benefit to support us!  

Thank you!!

Really, God?

On Sunday Eric was thrown from a mule wagon, landed on an asphalt driveway and broke his clavicle where it meets his sternum. Our house is starting to feel like a medical clinic. I'm joking about the title of this blog -- we are really thankful nothing worse happened and that none of the kids were on the wagon at the time. With how and where he fell, a broken bone is the best possible outcome and we are so grateful that he wasn't hurt in any other ways. He was told by the orthopedist to not use his arm for the next four weeks. This is terrible timing for him, as hunting season just started!


Hannah had a good appointment on Friday. She is getting to where she looks forward to seeing her favorite nurses each week. Here she is with her regular chemo nurse, Anne.

And this is Layne, her child-life specialist. She is helping Hannah to be more comfortable when they access her port. It still seems to scare her some. It doesn't hurt her because we put EMLA cream on which numbs it, but I think she still doesn't like to see a needle coming at her.