Difficulties in Life

"'Do not quarrel with your lot in life. Do not complain of its never-ceasing cares, it's petty environment, the vexations you have to stand... That is the practice, which God appoints you; and it is having its work in making you patient, and humble, and generous, and unselfish, and kind, and courteous. Do not grudge the hand that is still moulding the still too shapeless image within you.' Here's the difference: trying aspects of life will happen whether we use them or not. Spiritual laziness leads to resentment; spiritual diligence spawns insight and transformation from the exact same events. Let us become intentional to use personal slights, inconveniences, acts of gossip and slander, times of difficulty, and even sickness as opportunities to grow in patience and understanding and humility instead of bitterly resenting each one.'"
              --Drummond/Gary Thomas (in the book, Every Body Matters)

Wow. This is how I want to feel about what we are going through with Hannah. I know the truth in this quote. I believe God can get me to a place where I actually feel this truth and can apply it to my life. I'm just not there yet. The struggle and hurt in my heart is definitely not just for what we are going through with Hannah. It is for all of the families we have met and heard about who are going through much worse things than we are. It is mostly for the families who have had their children taken from them after long and painful fights with this disease. We feel like we have been admitted into a club in which no one would choose to be a member.
     
Sometimes I feel like calling out to God as Ann Voskamp does in her book, One Thousand Gifts, "No, God. We won't take what You give. No, God. Your plans are a gutted, bleeding mess and I didn't sign up for this and You really thought I'd go for this? No, God. This is ugly and this is a mess and can't You get anything right and just haul all this pain out of here and I'll take it from here, thanks. And God? Thanks for nothing." It seems so wrong to admit that I sometimes feel this way. 

I went to an amazing counselor this past week who spoke to me about bringing my full complaint to God. She said it is the lie of the enemy that tells us we have to be good enough and have to have our attitudes straightened out before we can talk to God about the way we feel. She gave me examples from the Bible where the Israelites, Job, Habakkuk and the author of Psalm 77 cried out to God. After each honest complaining session, God came to be with these people of the Bible and as a result they knew God more than they did before experiencing difficult times.

Please pray for us that we will choose to face this season of our life with spiritual diligence and not bitter resentment. Please pray that patience, understanding, and humility will be the result in our lives and that God will reveal Himself like never before.